It was appalling. I felt traumatized and I'm still trying to come to terms with what happened. I could not believe that this...this, totally unacceptable behavior is being practiced within the ranks of the traffic police in Malaysia, but now that I've witnessed it first hand, I fear I would never look at them in the same way.
Let me start from the beginning. I was driving home from work and decided to stop by the nearest 7-Eleven to get my usual purchase - two packet drinks with two straws, one Livita ("energy drink" which comes in a perfectly shaped glass bottle), a pack of Marlboro Reds and five lighters. I patronize this outlet often, always with the same purchases, so no one asked me about my apparent fondness for lighters after the third or forth time, since I always answer "I keep on forgetting where I put them", and if they though it was rather amazing for someone to lose an average of two lighters a day, they did not comment on that part.
I thought today was just another day, dropping in to get some stuff on my way home. I parked at my usual spot, right opposite the road (that's the traffic flow from my route home). This is not a designated parking area, since it has the potential to cause a 50% decrease in traffic flow throughout put, since you...well, basically occupy the left lane of the two lane road. I've never had any problems before, I know where they display the items I want so it's a 3 minute, in and out situation.
People here are used to irresponsible drivers taking up one lane as parking space, that always happens in the exit from my workplace too, we actually have to take turns to pass, two way traffic running on just one lane since the other is full of parked vehicles. You might as well save yourself some time, since they will just merge into the one free road. I have to turn around and go back using a longer route if I choose to park on the same side, so I never bothered, since it's quick anyway. I just get out of the car, cross the road to the other side, get my stuff and I'm back in my car within minutes.
Today was different though...it was the first of the strange events that occurred - a traffic police in uniform and actually patrolling during after office rush hour! I chided myself for being silly and imagining things. Traffic police do not work during periods where traffic management is needed, their work hours varies, but most of them seem to prefer night patrols from what I see. I know they definitely avoid peak hour, where they would have to do actual work, like directing traffic. ;)
The parking ticket
I went back to the drinks fridge and grabbed two Milo packet drinks from the fridge. I'm not particular about the drinks per se, I just want the straws. I was reaching for a glass bottle of Livita when I heard the store supervisor call to me, "Hey, isn't that your car?" Indeed it was, as the transparent shop front revealed to me. I could see a man dressed in standard issue Malaysian traffic police garb. He seemed to be writing down the license plate of the car in front of me and I cracked "Wah, sekarang polis cepat saman, huh?" (Wow, the police are getting more efficient in issuing out parking tickets/traffic summons nowdays, huh?) to the supervisor, who grinned.
I wasn't bothered about the traffic policeman. Yes, I was legally not supposed to park there, and yes, theoretically, it would affect the traffic flow. It won't affect the individual much, probably just a couple of seconds as the left lane merges into right. Also, most Malaysians tend to prefer "on the spot fines" for minor traffic infractions, and the enforcement officers naturally does not find this arrangement to be objectionable, for obvious reasons.
I have extensive experience in situations like these and I'm also familiar with the current going rates for "ticket less fines", made payable to the acting traffic policeman, if you catch my drift. I just use my standard fishing for a bribe settlement, though most times the police suggest it first. ;) Nothing I would mind parting with, off my memory, the last experience was quite recent, stopped by a traffic patrol somewhere at night in King Center, the violation was the horrific crime of not wearing seatbelts. They have to draft up legislation like that since they know what's best for us, you see. That last time was RM 20, I think, for the both of us, negotiated down from the initial price. He also mentioned using cell phones while driving, which was true, but I didn't know he knew so I obviously didn't bring it up.
He let that one go, but I can still vividly remember him going on about how this is not even close to the fine we would have to pay if he wrote a ticket, which was rather moot, since we all know he'll prefer the former over the latter any day. Heh. I have long since marveled at the apparently amazing optical feats that they seem to be capable of performing. It was night, with just a couple of ambient street lights, and the car has tinted windows, and he was still able to notice the infraction(s). He did not miss his calling, I'll tell you that. ;)
Going further back in history, I think the most expensive Kopi-O (roughly translated as "black coffee", used in the literal context, i.e. buying someone a drink - a euphemism for the rampant bribery here that has made it into a socially acceptable practice, nay, the norm, for many years) I ever shelled out was RM 50 for a measly illegal U-turn infraction. That's the problem - I only had one single note of currency inside my wallet then and it's a RM 50 bill, and you can't exactly ask for change while bribing someone. That was when I was in Kuching many years ago, when I did my college here, before dropping out.
The reason I had to pay that much then (1997, I think) was due to the fact that my driver's license just got reinstated after being suspended for too many traffic infractions. I can either take the ticket, which would be more expensive, and get recorded for another infraction so soon after I got my license back, or I can just bribe them and it goes off the record. I was still on probation then. This is similar to the probationary driver system most countries have, ours is two years, and if you accumulate too many over a short period of time, you lose your license, which was what happened to me.
Heck, I even had an accident on the very first day I started driving. :) I'm not the cautious type that goes slow, so I went to a more reasonable speed and er...crashed into my own front gate pillar. I got ticketed soon after that because I made the mistake of swerving into the lane of a patrol car and cutting them off, so they had to brake to avoid me. I reckon they weren't too pleased about that. It didn't go unnoticed that I didn't stop before coming out at the Stop sign, and that was my first ticket. I got another one for going above the speed limit soon after that and one for running a red light, and that's it. Three non-static traffic violations were all it took. My driver's license was revoked after that, and I had to write several letters of appeal to get it back.
It took quite a while too, and I didn't have a valid license while driving for a couple of months. It's not hard to get in back, I've never heard of anyone having their appeal turned down, unless it was an accident with fatalities or DUI/DWI which you have to be real careful about while on probation. I did get several static parking tickets after that but no other traffic related offenses on record (several off record "fines" made payable to the officer, minor ones, except for the time I had to bribe myself out of a DUI, but it was worth it). Chinese New Year was also quite inauspicious, but amusing. I was stopped several times in a two day period and had to bribe the police officers (which was what they wanted, that's why they come out full force during certain holidays).
The funny thing is, I didn't know I did anything in all three times during the Lunar New Year. The first one was when I was stopped for going through a No Entry sign and driving the wrong way down the road. I remember arguing with the officers coz I didn't know that they changed the damn road configurations, and after a couple of exchanges, my friends (went with Diana and Ting Chuan) told me that I had indeed gone through a No Entry sign and has been driving down the wrong lane during the last turning. I gave them RM 10 or RM 20, wasn't sure.
Now, the worst bit is when I went through the same road, forgot the road change and did the same mistake AND was stopped by the same team again. "You lagi, kah?" ("You again?"), went one of the police. It was funny in a stupid sort of way, driving down the same route you got stopped for coz it was against traffic only a couple of hours ago. That's another RM 10 - 20 in bribes, it's cheap since they don't usually stop you for such minor transgressions anyway, they just did it coz they were there to tax the Chinese population. ;)
The second night wasn't so funny though, coz it was in the middle of the night (3 AM or 4 AM) and the police insinuated that I was somehow involved with crime coz I was out at that hour and coz they still do that old "tattoos = criminals" profiling thing. Probably coz it only involves one constant, wouldn't be an effort to remember that, I imagine. ;) We could not agree on the bribe though. This was the police, not traffic patrol, who are generally more pleasant to deal with. He started hinting that he and his team could search my car and drag us down for "suspicious behavior", whatever the fuck that means, if we couldn't agree on the sum.
I remember he was asking for RM 350, a figure around that range anyway. I knew they were not just doing regular road blocks - they had an operation going on that night due to a homicide and a drug sting, as I read in the papers the next day. He wanted that amount in exchange for not giving me a ticket (No Entry again, damn signs, make them bigger!) AND for not checking my car, which was why the price tag was so high. This is a ridiculous amount to solicit for just going through a No Entry and driving the wrong way down a deserted road.
I only had to use RM 200 to convince the police who stopped me during a routine road block (a separate incident) that I was simply to tired to walk a straight line, so no, you wouldn't need to use the breathalyzer, coz I'm perfectly sober. ;) They're not very big on getting DUI's over here anyway, but I thought it was worth it, since the officer knew I wasn't sober, and I didn't want him to start thinking about what exactly it is that I was on when the breathalyzer shows I haven't been drinking.
The operations police team on that New Year's night assumed I had something to hide, so they imposed an uncharacteristically high bribe. I told him that I didn't have that much money, I only had a RM 5 note and I showed him my wallet. I actually have several hundred dollars, but wisely left all my money with my friend except for the RM 5 note coz I could see that they were harassing the other people they stopped - shining bright lights in their eyes and questioning them and other miscellaneous bullshit.
He told me to ask my friend for more money, coz RM 5 is not going to do it. This was just for a very minor traffic infraction, mind. This pissed me off since it was starting to look a lot like they were shaking me down so I just told them that my friend did not bring his wallet, RM 5 is all I have, basically, take it or leave it. It's not my fault they have an operation which requires them to work through the night, and although I don't mind bribes (meaning I don't have ethical or moral stances against it, it's good for both parties when it's willing), this one is more like extortion. A more senior officer heard our exchange and came over, and after listening to the younger police, told him to just take the RM 5 and waved us away.
That is the cheapest bribe I ever gave, and though I have no doubt that he wouldn't have bothered to take us in, he would have held us up (and for quite some time too, know some people who were also stopped by this block sitting by the road, and they told me they've been there for nearly two hours!) by interrogating us and searching the car, just to be an asshole, like some other officers were doing with the other people who were stopped. This is not as blatant as one of my ex gf's experience where all the five people in the car were shaken down for ALL their money except RM 20 which they insisted they needed for petrol. It was a DUI charge, driver was drunk, but this was in KL, so the police bribe, er...extortion would be a better word, totaled more than RM 1,000 to let the guy off.
7-Eleven parking ticket
Anyway, I've not had problems with traffic police, all the ones I've the misfortune of encountering were always polite. Back to the 7-Eleven parking ticket, I had expected him to loaf around for a while, and just as I opened the 7-Eleven door to exit, the traffic patrol got back on his motorbike and promptly drove off! I nearly dropped my bag of groceries in shock. I felt a wave of unfamiliarity blow over me and I looked around, totally disoriented. Where am I? I felt lost and totally confused! Can this be Malaysia? It looks the same, it feels the same...but yet, it's not. Did some infernal forces transfer me to another Malaysia in a parallel universe, one where the corruption index was lower?
Mine falls under Causing unnecessary obstruction of traffic.
Such businesslike procedures, it seemed that he just alighted and wrote a parking ticket, put that under my wipers and promptly left...it was amazing. I didn't even get a chance to talk to him. I would have preferred paying him. Like I said, this manifestation of corruption doesn't bother me if it works out for both parties, its just commerce. I don't have time to go around paying traffic tickets. Now that it's been issued, I would have to fill out the details and submit it, which I don't have time for.
The list of traffic rules.
It seems that I had violated Rule #2 in the List of Offences at the back. It's the one for "Causing unnecessary obstruction of traffic". Well, no shit, Sherlock. I disagree though, in my defense, there was...er, one completely free lane left after my vehicle occupied the other one. :p It wasn't like I was going for an extended Sabbatical, just getting a couple of items, will be out of the way in minutes. I thought it would go better under another category, so I did just that. ;)
I added in another rule
I noticed they didn't have entries from Rule #14 onwards, even though there's space for six more. I presume this is to give the officer more discretion in issuing out parking tickets. Has anyone got a "Rule #15 - Inane parking ticket to reach my quota."? I crossed out his Rule #2 and replaced it with my own Rule #15, which says "Tidak sempat bagi Kopi O" (Did not get the chance to bribe the officer). It would have been funny if I sent that one in.
This are the added rules. The first one goes Rule #15 Did not get the chance to bribe the officer.
However, I'm not going to pay this parking ticket. I used the parking ticket as scrap paper, since I don't seem to have any paper and I wouldn't have any pens either if it weren't for the expo, where people were giving me pens left and right. :)
I did not go to 7-Eleven for their Any purchase on a single receipt gets a FREE parking ticket promotion, anyway.
It'll be easier to pay when the vehicle registration gets into the JPJ blacklist. Besides, this parking ticket would be considered invalid, with all my scribbling on it. ;)
Like, I said...I was appalled. I sure hope it's an isolated incident meant for reaching his quotas. The noticeably improved efficiency! The behavioral change, gone is the norm of lingering around to see if the owner turns up anytime soon. It totally breaks the status quo. It's too much to absorb in one day. ;)
Leave a comment